So, umm, like I told Jo a couple of days ago, this post would be my two hundredth post in this blog, marking two years and a month of blogging. I had a whole featurette thing planned out. But for me, there is no better way to mark this than to dedicate this to my grandfather. It sounds silly, typed out like this, but yes. That's what I'm using this post for.

Gong Gong passed away this morning, at the age of 84, in his sleep.

Out of all my grandparents, he was the one I was closest to, and although in recent years, he had a stroke, and lost his speech, to me, he was still the same man who taught me to sing lullabies and bought my other cousins and I Happy Meals for lunch whenever we visited him.

For years, he was the healthiest man of his age around. He still drove everywhere, went to the market in the mornings. I think a couple of you guys even met him when he came down for my brother's wedding in 2003. He was extremely alert, and healthy, and knowledgeable. And suddenly, shortly after I got my SPM results in March 2005, he had that stroke. It was bad. He bordered on death then, but he pulled through, but he lost many of the things he used to be able to do. He'd lost coherent speech. Nobody could understand what he was saying anymore. And for awhile, he'd lost mobility. And that he couldn't even recognise any of us anymore. That depressed him so much.

He called yesterday night, and it was a good night. He has some of those sometimes, where he can form actual sentences in Hakka. Most times it just comes out all jumbled, but yesterday, it was okay, and my mom said he was asking about me. He was asking about me and about my exchange program to Australia and he told me mom that he was so proud of me.

My mom got the call this morning from my cousin that he'd passed away, and she's been crying since. And so have I, on and off. It's tough to deal with. We're travelling down to Singapore and coming back to Tuesday, and I'm flying to Australia on Thursday, and I'm not packed, and I'm sad, and I'm a mess. Everything's messed up.

I just needed to get that all out. I'm sorry.

So, I guess this is me telling you all that I love you. I can be a bitch and moan and complain till the cows come home at times, and sometimes mean and sarcastic to you, but know that all the sarcasm is actually love. I love you all. You know who you are. I don't want to ever not have the chance to say it anymore.

I love you, Gong Gong. Rest in peace.